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#1 A nun and a priest were traveling across the desert and realized halfway across that the camel they were using for transportation was about to die. They set up a make-shift camp, hoping someone would come to their rescue, but to no avail. Soon the camel died. After several days of not being rescued, they agreed that they were not going to be rescued. They prayed a lot (of course), and they discussed their predicament in great depth. Finally the priest said to the nun, "You know, Sister, I am about to die, and there's always been one thing I've wanted here on earth -- to see a woman naked. Would you mind taking off your clothes so I can look at you?" The nun thought about his request for several seconds and then agreed to take off her clothes. As she was doing so, she remarked, "Well, Father, now that I think about it, I've never seen a man naked, either. Would you mind taking off your clothes, too?" With little hesitation, the priest also stripped. Suddenly the nun exclaimed, "Father! What is that little thing hanging between your legs?" The priest patiently answered, "That, my child, is a gift from God. If I put it in you, it creates a new life." "Well," responded the nun, "forget about me. Stick it in the camel!" #2 Three nuns who had recently died where on their way to heaven. At the pearly gates they were met by St. Peter. Around the gates there was a collection of lights and bells. St. Peter stopped them and told them that they would each have to answer a question before they could enter through the pearly gates. St. Paul: "What were the names of the two people in the garden of Eden?" 1st nun: "Adam and Eve" The lights flashed, the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates. St. Paul: "What did Adam eat from the forbidden tree ?" 2nd nun: "An apple" The lights flashed, the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates. And finally it came the turn of the last nun. St. Paul: "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam ?" After a few minutes thinking she says "Gosh, that's a hard one!" The lights flashed, the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates! #3 One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge fish for supper. A man was walking by and said "Wow what a goddamn fish!" The sister said "Sir you shouldn't talk to me like that: I'm a nun," and the man said "But that's the name of it: a goddamn fish". So the sister took the fish back to the rectory and said "Mother superior, look at the goddamn fish I caught." The mother superior said "Sister, you shouldn't talk like that!" and the sister said "But mother superior, that's the name of it: a goddamn fish." So the mother superior said "Well give me the goddamn fish and I'll clean it." While she was cleaning the fish the monsignor walked in and she said "Monsignor look at the goddamn fish that the sister caught." The monsignor said "Mother superior you shouldn't talk like that!" and the mother superior said "But that's the name of it: a goddamn fish." So the monsignor said "Well give me the goddamn fish and I'll cook it." That evening at supper there was a new priest at the table, and he said "Wow what a nice fish". And the sister said "I caught the goddamn fish." And mother superior said "I cleaned the goddamn fish." And the monsignor said "I cooked the goddamn fish." And the new priest said: "I like this fucking place already!" #4 Did you hear the one about the man who opened a dry-cleaning business next door to the convent? He knocked on the door and asked the Mother Superior if she had any dirty habits. #5 A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway, when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It says SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES. He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign which says SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES and realizes that these signs are for real. When he drives past a third sign saying SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT, his curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a somber stone building with a small sign next to the door reading SISTERS OF MERCY. He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks "What may we do for you, my son?" He answers "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business." "Very well, my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door, and tells the man "Please knock on this door." He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit and holding a tin cup. This nun instructs "Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway." He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup. He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign: GO IN PEACE, YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF MERCY. #6 This raggedy-assed old nun was walking home from the convent one day, when this man jumps out from the bushes and has his way. Then the man sayeth unto her, "What will you tell the Holy Father now, Sister?" She says, "I must tell the truth! I will say I was walking home from the convent when a man jumped out from the bushes and raped me twice, unless you're tired." #7 It was Friday, and four nuns went to the priest at the local Catholic church to ask for the weekend off. They argued back and forth for a few minutes. Finally the priest agreed to let them leave the convent for the weekend. "However", he said, "as soon as you get back Monday morning I want you to confess to me what you did over the weekend." The four nuns agree, and run off. Monday comes, and the four nuns return. The first nun goes to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest asks, "What did you do, Sister?" She replies, "I watched an R-rated movie." The priest looks up at heaven for a few seconds, then replies, "You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water." The first nun leaves, and the fourth nun begins to chuckle quietly under her breath. The second nun then goes up to the preist and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest replies, "OK, what happened?" She says, "I was driving my brother's car down the street in front of his house, and I hit a neighbor's dog and killed it." The priest looks up to heaven for half a minute, then says, "You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water." The second nun goes out. By this time, the fourth nun is laughing quite audibly. Then the third nun walks to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, I have sinned." The priest asks" Out with it. What did you do?" She says, "Last night, I ran naked up and down Main Street." The priest looks up at heaven for a full five minutes before responding, "God forgives you. Go and drink the holy water." She leaves. The fourth nun falls on the floor, laughing so hard tears run down her cheeks. The priest asks her, "OK. What did you do that was so bloody funny?" The fourth nun replies, "I peed in the holy water..." #8 The nuns at the local convent had their daily annoucement session. The mother superior walked out in front of the 100 nuns with a very serious frown on her face. She began to speak... Mother Superior: There had been a sinful deed committed here, yesterday. 99 nuns: Oh, no! 1 nun: Hee, hee, hee. Mother Superior: Today I found a pair of men's underwear. 99 nuns: Oh,no! 1 nun: Hee, hee, hee. Mother Superior: And I also found a condom. 99 nuns: Oh, no! 1 nun: Hee, hee, hee. Mother Superior: And it has been used! 99 nuns: Oh, no! 1 nun: Hee,hee, hee. Mother Superior: And there was a hole in it! 1 nun: Oh, No! 99 nuns: Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee!..... #9 Four nun's got in a car accident and died. Of course, they went up to heaven and St. Peter was waiting for them at the gate. "Ladies, please confess your sins so that you may pass through the gates," says St. Peter. Well, naturally, the first nun walks up and says," "St. Peter, I must confess I once saw a man's penis!" Don't worry, says St. Peter, go wash your eyes in that holy water and your sin will be forgiven. The second nun comes up and says, "I must confess I once touched a man's penis!" Ohhh, says St. Peter, that is truly a sin, but go and was your hands in the holy water and your sins will be forgiven... ...meanwhile, in the backround the THIRD and FOURTH nuns are going at it, yelling and cursing at each other. "What is the problem, that you should make so much noise at the gates of heaven?" asks St. Peter. "Well," says the FOURTH nun, "there is NO WAY I am going to gargle with that holy water after HER ass has been in it!!!" #10 This german tourist was on a bus tour of Castilla during the summer that had a stop at this old convent. The tour wasn't that interesting and he managed to stay behind and start wandering. Feeling the urge, he stopped to pee on the outside wall of the chapel. While he was doing his business, he was surprised by the Mother Superior. "OH! I am soo sorry!' "No," she replied. "Actually, I've never seen a man's...You know. Could I take a look?" The tourist was freaked out by a nun asking to see his works but it was kinda kinky in a way, so he figured, what the hell. The nun looked at it for a bit and as he was about to put it away she said, "You know, I always wanted to touch it. Would you mind...?" "This is really wierd, but sure." The tourist was getting really exited. Who could say that you had been tossed off by a nun? "Could you take it all out so that I can get a complete expience?" the nun requested. The tourist, sure that he was about to get laid, willingly took down his pants. The nun began fondleing his testicles and sudennly straightened, and said, "Don't (SQUEEZE) piss (SQUEEZE) on the (SQUEEZE) church (SQUEEZE) walls!!!!!!!!!!!(SQUEEZE). Forward to Friend | Comments (2) Absolute Beginners
And I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you. Yore hair is like cornsilk, a-flappin' in the breeze. Softer than Blue's, and without all them fleas. You move like the bass, which excites me in May. You ain't got no scales, but I luv you anyway. You're as graceful as okry, jist a-dancin' in the pan. Yore as fragrant as SunDrop, right out of the can. You have all yore teeth, for which I am proud; I hold my head high when we're in a crowd. On special occasions, when you shave yore armpits, Well, I'm in hawg heaven! Plumb outta my wits! And speakin' of wits, you've got plenty fer shore. 'Cuz you married me, back in '74. Still them fellers at work, they all want to know, What I did to deserve such a purty, young doe. Like a good roll of duct tape, yore there fer yore man, To patch up life's troubles, and stick 'em in the can. Yore as strong as a four-wheeler, racin' through the mud, Yet fragile as that sanger, named Naomi Judd. Yore as cute as a junebug, a-buzzin' overhead. You ain't mean like no far ant, upon which I oft' tread. Cut from the best pattern, like a flannel shirt of plaid, You sparked up my life, like a Rattletrap shad. When you hold me real tight, like a padded gunrack, My life is complete; ain't nuttin' I lack. Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'. Despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'. And when you get old, like a '57 Chevy, Won't put you on blocks, and let grass grow up heavy. Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie, with a RC cold drank, We go together; like a skunk goes with stank. Some men, they buy chocolate, for Valentine's Day; They git it at Wal-Mart; it's romantic that way. Some men git roses on that special day From the cooler at Kroger; "That's impressive," I say. Some men buy fine diamonds, from a flea market booth. "Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth. But for this man, honey, these will not do. For you are too special, you sweet thang you. I got you a gift, without taste nor odor, Better than diamonds; It's a new trollin' motor! Forward to Friend | Comments (1) Wednesday!!! | ![]() |

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Male/Female
Posted 3/10/2010 3:31:25 AM by Valla - [Show All My Posts]


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Feuer der Erinnerung...
Posted 3/10/2010 12:04:37 AM by Rinoa - [Show All My Posts]
| Mein Tag im SL war zum größten Teil wunderschön,wenn auch sehr verwirrend.Ich war mit Cy unterwegs,nachdem ich merkte das der Space Park total öde war,und dachte einen Moment nach wo man hin gehen könnte und so kam mir der Gedanke warum nicht nach Wales...dort hatten wir früher einmal schöne Momente erlebt,also warum nicht einfach mal dort vorbei schauen.Und so kam es dann dazu das wir beide,am selben Ort aber zu einer anderen Zeit nach Wales zurück kehrten.Wir tanzten zusammen,und ich fühlte mich recht wohl dabei,alles schien wieder so vertraut...ob es nur mir so ging?Oder ging es ihm auch so? Ich wollte da nicht nach fragen,und träumte mich ein wenig zurück in die Vergangenheit :)Nach dem wir getanzt hatten besuchten wir das Schloß und durchstreiften jeden Raum und taten das was wir schon einst taten..uns zu versuchen überall rauf zu setzen wo es nur ging,und so saß ich auf einer Kerze und Cy hing mit seinem Hinterteil in einem Bilderrahmen lach.Naja und dann saßen wir zusammen auf diesem Sofa...Cy wurde immer ruhiger aber auch mir ging es nicht viel anders..was er wohl dachte? Irgendwie war da ein Knistern,ich konnte mich da nicht täuschen.Wir besuchten dann noch kurz das Schiff in der Grotte,wo Cy mir wieder sehr nah kam,in dem er sich vor mir stellte..es machte mich schon sehr nervös gg.Hm überall wo es ging machte ich Bilder sie sollten eine schöne Erinnerung sein,für das was wir beide so erlebten.Danach besuchten wir die Neverland Ranch,und da war es wirklich lustig,wir probierten alles aus und Cy jagte mit einem Autoscooter durch den Park lach.aber das beste war das er sich nen Einlauf mit einem Flamingokopf bescherte..wat setzt er sich auch auf dat Vieh lööl.Also wenn er breit gegrinst haben sollte dann hat es ihm wohl gefallen.Nee aber der Besuch im Park war schon genial.Wir saßen dann zusammen und er sagte mach ein Foto davon,aber das hatte ich bereits im Kasten und hoch geladen.Darauf gab es dann auch etwas später ein Kommentar das sich Cy auch selber anschaute....und dieses Kommentar brachte wohl den Stein so richtig ins Rollen.Cy sagte mir was er darüber dachte,was er über mich dachte,was er über uns dachte...und ich war schon sehr baff.Aber es freute mich auch das er so ehrlich war und dazu stand. Nach dem Besuch auf Neverland sahen wr uns nicht mehr,aber hielten den Kontakt über IM aufrecht.so eröffnete ich dann auch Die Gruppen IM weil nach und nach alles online erschien und so wäre es einfacher gewesen gg.War ne lustige Sache über Gruppe zu schreiben ^^ Squall war kurz online,verzog sich aber dann..er hatte wohl gemerkt das ich keine Zeit hatte lach.Und sonst hätte der Abend so schön noch sein können ...wenn ja wenn der Streit net mit Jake gewesen wäre der mir richtige Vorhaltungen gemacht hat.Er macht mich an weil ich mit Cy in Wales war..frei nach dem Motto wie kannst du es auch noch heraus fordern das er sich in dich verliebt wenn du mit ihm romantisch tanzen gehst...Ehm hat da einer den Schuß net gehört,er macht mich damit dumm an,hält mir Vorhaltungen? Ich denke Jake sollte sich dafür mal ganz stark selber an die Nase fassen...denn ist das net das selbe was er mit mir abgezogen hat? Es ist das selbe...er wußte genau was ich für ihn empfand und hat mich immer wieder gegen die Wand laufen lassen,und will mir jetzt Vorträge halten,was ich zu tun und zu lassen habe?Nee nich mit mir...und ich denke nicht das ich Cy damit irgendwie beeinflußt habe...Denn Gefühle lassen sich nicht steuern...vielleicht verbergen aber nicht lenken.Ich weiß genau wie es war ständig seine Gefühle verbergen zu müssen,also soll er mich net als schlecht hinstellen und sich selber mal fragen,was er getan hat.Ich werde ganz sicher niemanden beeinflußen,die Zukunft wird selbst entscheiden wie es weiter geht....Und damit beende ich für heute wieder eure Rinoa! Forward to Friend | Comments (0) Why I am here..
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